What I Liked
Io: Perseus had a fairy godmother of sorts. She was cursed with agelessness when she refused the advances of a god. I guess she was kind of like Bubo, but a lot hotter. She added a little bit of depth to a thin movie. Being a turd, the movie didn't reveal who sent her, so I'm guessing Zeus.
Mads Mikkelsen: He played the leader of the guards that set out with Perseus to find Medusa. His character was one-dimensional by the script, but Mikkelsen was able to convey a jaded, yet dedicated soldier looking for something worth fighting for.
Medusa: They made Medusa more menacing than in the original. She was a woman twice wronged who took her frustration out on everyone. She would giggle to taunt and her face was her birth one until she turned a man to stone. The only thing I didn't like is that she went after Perseus like a woman possessed. She's a stone cold killer, so that didn't work.
Medusa: They made Medusa more menacing than in the original. She was a woman twice wronged who took her frustration out on everyone. She would giggle to taunt and her face was her birth one until she turned a man to stone. The only thing I didn't like is that she went after Perseus like a woman possessed. She's a stone cold killer, so that didn't work.
What I Wanted to Like, but Didn't
Polly Walker: Polly Walker proved in Rome that beauty is more how you carry yourself than looking picture-perfect. I admit it, I have a boner for her. Unfortunately, she didn't have anything to work with. If you took Junior to the bathroom near the beginning of the film, you would have missed her whole performance. Mikkelsen at least had a few scenes, but Walker was allowed to pontificate on man not needing gods for about 20 seconds before Hades turned her into an old woman.
The Special Effects: I did like the looks of most of the special effects. They didn't kill everything like in Star Wars or look a Happy Painter painting like Lord of the Rings. Still, Ray Harryhausen's effects had a bit more elegance to them.
The Special Effects: I did like the looks of most of the special effects. They didn't kill everything like in Star Wars or look a Happy Painter painting like Lord of the Rings. Still, Ray Harryhausen's effects had a bit more elegance to them.
What I Hated
Where to start?
Sam Worthington: How he gets all of these rolls is beyond me. The guy makes Kate Beckinsale seem like Judy Garland. He went through the movie with a "Kick Me" sign on his back and his costars seemed to be laughing at him, but the "Deus ex Machina" of the script made everyone help him anyway. Parsley is more compelling than this guy.
Revenge Instead of Love: Perseus's family gets killed by Hades for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. His motivation is thus revenge versus love. Not very true to Greek Mythology and a much less compelling reason to cheer for Robo-Douche as he fumbles around.
Argos: Ok, so I'm being OCD here, but how does a city survive surrounded by unscalable mountains and a small harbor? Not one inch of arable land.
Hippie Jesus Freak: The movie had an anti-religion edge, which was fine by me, but to express it the director created a tripping (from organic mushrooms no doubt) hippie with rat-nest hair. He warned all of the townsfolk to pray to the gods for forgiveness and drug Andromeda onto the platform to be sacrificed to the Kraken. Nope, no dignity in her sacrifice. I think I've seen this guy on Willy Street.
The Ending: When Perseus finally arrives on Pegasus to turn the Kraken to stone, I met it with a yawn. Ok, creature dead, douchebag is a reluctant hero (versus heroism as its own goal in mythology) who doesn't even get Andromeda.
The Very Ending: So to make sure everyone knows that Perseus is, um, straight, Zeus revives Io for him to enjoy. And give the prospect of a sequel.
Say what you will about Steven Sommers, but he has a bit of joy in his junk.
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