Ain't Got No Gas Innit

That there lawn mower had a liberal bias!

“I’ll tell you the truth,” a criminal complaint quotes an apparently inebriated Keith Walendowski. “I got pissed because my lawn mower wouldn’t start, so I got my shotgun and shot it.

“I can do that. It’s my lawn mower and my yard, so I can shoot it if I want,” Walendowski told police.........

Dick Wagner of Wagner’s Garden Mart, 6075 N. Green Bay Ave.in Glendale, said shooting the mower didn’t help Walendowski’s odds of getting it repaired.

“Anything not factory recommended would void the warranty,” he said.

And a mugshot for the ages:

I Remember When I Was Into Nostalgia

Lately I've been nostalgic for 1996 since the world was opening up for me and the future held up the promise of a fulfilling 20's. I've been wishing I could experience that lately, but lets be honest - my 20's weren't exactly fulfilling. Yeah, I did a lot of cool things and absolutely loved standing on my own two feet. Yet if I think about it honestly it's all overshadowed by my anxiety problems that were exacerbated by going into the family business, buying a house, and adjusting, well, to being on my own two feet.

Anyway, I was thumbing through iTunes and came across "The Craft" in the movie section. I've never seen it, but I remember the marketing blitz around it. Then there's other pop culture pieces of that time, like Scream, a new Foo Fighters album when I still listened to them, Twisted Metal, etc. Life seemed to be geared towards people my age. I've since learned that it's just louder for that age. But it is strange almost being out of advertiser's coveted demographic of 18-34. So here's a list of things that went down in 1996-1997:

- The first cloned animal was born.
- "The English Patient" won best film and severely tested my patience.
- Russia was in the first stages of an economic meltdown, not powerhouse oil state with headed by a James Bond villain.
- Speaking of oil, a barrel was in the low 20's, meaning a gallon of gas wasn't much more than a dollar.
- General Motors was ahead of the curve with the EV-1.
- The top movies of 1997 were (from 10 down): Face/Off, Tomorrow Never Dies, My Best Friend's Wedding, Good Will Hunting, As Good As It Gets, Air Force One, Liar Liar, Jurassic Park 2, Men in Black, and Titanic.
- The Spice Girls were new.... and topping the charts.
- "Snake" Plissken rescues the President... wait....

Where was I? Living with two dipshits and waiting for my gravy train. I know my then-self would have much rather been in my position, but my brain fucks with me sometimes. Maybe I need to put together a '90's party....

It's the Wrong Day

I kind of wish that it was Halloween today. I'd love to wander around in disguise as a corpse after an autopsy or as Shirley Temple, except I've got blood running from my eyes and bolts in my neck. A friend's sister once went dressed as Carrie and dumped a bucket of some red liquid all over her in the parking lot before entering the bar.

The great thing about Halloween is that everyone is drinking the same Kool-Aide so you're wandering around amongst jubilant types that, in reality, are celebrating a holiday to ward off evil spirits. You can wander around at ease with everything.

So in honor of not-quite-Halloween, here's my new avatar. I'm feeding the little shit to the vulture.

Goal Accomplished!

Last weekend, I went up to Oshkosh for Pigfest, an annual 10's rugby tournament. It was my first taste of rugby since the end of June, and that was just a little bit. Unfortunately, the taste was brief. At kick-off, I (not quite) tackled someone and hit my left ribs against him while doing so. That set of sparks of pain up and down the left side of my torso. I ran around until a whistle was blown and subbed out of the game.

My ribs hurt when I breathed deep or if I picked up anything more than five pounds. So I got to watch everyone but me play rugby, although I was thankful I wasn't the one who had his scrotum torn open by a goon.

Skip to Monday and I headed into the doctor's office to see if my ribs were broken. After some x-rays and an examination, she said that I most likely bruised a rib deeply, but she would have the radiologist look at them when he was in. I figured that I was just being a big, whiny wimp - not exactly what you want to be in rugby.

Skip to Tuesday, I received a call from the doctor. She said that the radiologist determined that I broke my rib two months ago. On Monday I had told her that in mid-May I tackled a teammate in practice by pulling him forward and his full weight hit me focused on his knee against my rib. Funny thing was it hurt a lot more when I aggravated it on Saturday.

So I'm not a wimp and I achieved my goal for the season by breaking my very first bone. It sounds like a rather dour goal, but I figure the odds of getting injured in rugby were even and that I might as well get it over with. Besides, I played for three weeks with a broken bone. How cool is that?

Little Short On Brains

Sucks to be him:

Madisonian Kyle Wallace, 22, had a very bad Saturday night.

At about 2 a.m., Madison police responded to a disturbance on Gorham Street near State Street. At the site, Wallace told police he had been beaten up and robbed of his wallet by two males, ages unknown, one white and one black.

Police unsuccesssfully searched the area for the suspects, and then gave Wallace -- whose facial bruises did not require medical attention -- a ride to a friend's house on Monroe Street.

Soon afterwards, police were called to a car crash two blocks from the drop-off site. There they discovered Wallace had been in an accident, and had rolled his vehicle.

He was arrested and charged with a second offense of operating while intoxicated.

So On and So Forth

For some reason I've been a bit tired lately. A little bit physically, but mostly mentally. I pretty much am happy to be left alone to daydream and when bothered, I feel like raising a white flag. Thankfully programmed responsibilities drag me into the real world. Otherwise I would have move permanently into Henry World many moons ago.

Last weekend was my immediate family's first trip together in twenty-one years to see my cousin get married. All in all it went well and we got along well enough. Of course our quirks and such came out but no SALT negotiations were needed. Tonight is rugby practice followed by a rugby tournament on Saturday. So I have to get my aggression up and socialibility out.

In other news, I had some dream about filming a movie in 1933. It was a musical and part of it had the leads riding on the back of a flatbed truck and singing. I was filming from a car following them. Then we showed it for Adolph Hitler and his entourage in some shack of a house. He seemed mild-mannered at the screening and no one was killed.

Ugh, no for actually doing something....

Get the Wallet, Get a Feel

He got a little extra:

A woman who lives on Williamson Street says a man forced entry into her apartment early this morning and grabbed her buttocks. The victim repeatedly told the perpetrator to leave. After a short while, the suspect did get out, and it was at that time the woman discovered her wallet, and some other personal items were missing. A short time later her credit card was used at an area business. The victim was not injured. The perpetrator is at large, and a detective has been assigned to the case.

High Class Criminal

Another winner from the Dairy State:

A 37-year-old Hartford man who police say robbed a gas station Tuesday and then tried to get away dressed only in his underwear -- with the stolen loot and a pack of cigarettes stuffed inside -- is expected to be charged today with armed robbery, Washington County District Attorney Todd Martens said.

According to Hartford police, the man, wearing a pair of blue coveralls, robbed the West Auto Mart at 529 W. Sumner St. just before 10 a.m. Tuesday after he purchased a pack of cigarettes. He waited until the cashier opened the cash drawer then displayed a handgun and took cash from the register.

Shortly after police arrived, Hartford Fire Chief Paul Stephans reported he saw a man exit a nearby bike path riding a bicycle and wearing only a pair of underwear.

When police made contact with the man, they noticed a wad of $412 concealed in his underwear, along with his empty wallet and an unopened pack of cigarettes, the police statement said. The amount of money was the same as that stolen from the gas station.

Police searched the bike path between where the man was found and the gas station and found the pair of blue coveralls, which they determined to be a uniform from the place where the man worked. They also found a facsimile handgun.

The man told police he had been robbed of his clothing, but that the robber did not want the money or the cigarettes. He described the man as looking a lot like him and wearing the same clothes as him.

The man was identified as the robber from videotape taken at the gas station, the police statement says.

Martens said the man is in custody at the Washington County Jail and is expected to appear in Washington County Circuit Court later today.

Pollyanna Has a Nervous Breakdown

Normally I'm a Pollyanna. I see problems and believe that they'll get better with enough effort put into the solution. From time to time, my optimism fails me. This post is just one piece that has me worried, but it illustrates my fears pretty well.