Gordons Pubic Delight

I like getting issues for my nation. I just got this gem generated in a policy debate regarding putting loudspeakers in all my cities:

"This idea is brilliant, and Gordons Pubic Delight can't afford to pass it up," claims Randy Jong-Il, your Minister of Safety. "These loudspeakers can assure the public that the government is always here to help them. The potential here, to immediately warn citizens of an emergency such as an earthquake or a stampede of banana slugs or something, simply must be taken into account! This could save lives! And I suppose, when there isn't anything the citizens need to be told, you could always use them to broadcast patriotic messages like 'Spooooooooon!' and inform the good people which party to join and vote for with newsbriefs and such. It'll be worth it to strengthen the populace's devotion to our glorious nation!"

Got to love my banana slugs and motto!

Librarian

The person in my primary schooling that I look back on with the most affection is my elementary school librarian. She would have us write stories, or scare us with ghost stories told in the dark. She was always patient with us and did a lot of interesting things most teachers wouldn't. She also taught us, a bunch of 6,7,8 year olds, this song:

The Worms Crawl In
Never laugh when a hearse goes by
Or you will be the next to die
They'll wrap you in a big white sheet
And bury you down about six feet deep
Then again in about a week....

The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out
The worms play pinochle on your snout
A big green worm with bulging eyes crawls in your stomach
and out your thighs
Your stomach turns a glossy green
And pus pours out like whipping cream
You spread it on a piece of bread
And that's what you eat when you are dead.

Sad Lineage

Back in 1963, we got a blowhard who stuffed ballot boxes. He was followed by someone who was dillusional and paranoid. Next we got a man who told us to wear W.I.N. pins and who was, well, not particularly graceful. Following him, we elected a kindly man who battled giant rabbits. Next we got a man who couldn't remember his name if it wasn't on the teleprompter and was our national vigilante against trees. Next, we got the upper class twit of the year. I was able to vote for the next guy, but didn't vote for McPresident. Now we have a man who has his finger on the botton, who cannot even pronounce its name. I'm not so sure about the new challenger. Hey, maybe this guy will make it one day.

On a brighter note, I'm plodding through episodes of Bottom.

In The Flatlands

I came down to Winfield, IL last night to visit my sister's family. My sister helps me get my wardrobe together once a year, since I suck at doing it myself and have no girlfriend. Then again, I don't think I'd like to shop with a girlfriend; that would probably drive me nuts.

I slept in the basement last night and was woken by my chatterbox nephew Christian. He got up before everyone and somehow found me. So this morning has pretty much been organzing my sister's music collection on her computer and ripping her stuff that I want. Actually, it's more of my brother-in-law's stuff that I want. That should put it to over 9,000 songs now....

T-Shirt Madness

Great shirt I just saw:

“Don’t Mess With Kansas Either”

Fuck Texas.

The Hills Are Alive....

I have such a terrible singing voice that I could wake the dead with it, and they would seek vengence. Yet there are songs that I sing, hum, or grunt to, usually when I’m driving alone. I thought I’d list them for posterity’s sake, or for shits and giggles:

Electric Aunt Jemimah - Frank Zappa
Card Cheat - The Clash
Karl Blau - The Microphones
Mambo Sun - T. Rex
Open All Night - Bruce Springsteen
Joe’s Garage - Frank Zappa
Virgina Plain - Roxy Music
Linus and Lucy - Vince Guaraldi Trio
Milwaukee Waltz - The Goose Island Ramblers

There are a few more, but I can’t think of them now. Maybe I’ll sing them to myself later.... and far away from a cemetary.

Random Thoughts

I saw Before Sunset this evening. It got me thinking on how age can kill the wonder you have in the world. The film follows the two characters nine years after they first met. Eventually, their conversation wanders into how time and experience has soured them. That burns to real.

End of the Week

This week kind of sucked. Yeah, it ended well, but I about pulled my hair out on Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday was just kind of there. I did pick up some bleu cheese-filled olives at Deli Roma. If you're ever in Sun Prairie, get lunch there.

I have no idea what's happening this weekend. It could prove to be boring. It could prove to be fun. I could meet the woman of my dreams....

Sorry, I just fell out of my chair in side-splitting laughter after the last comment. Anyway, I'm off.

This day was not good.

Well, it was not good for most of the day. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and it didn't much change until about quarter to five. I was stressed out about work, among other things, and didn't have any focus. On the brighter side, this gave me a good laugh. Sometimes, its the small things.

Pets

I've always liked people who really liked their pets.

Then I Was Killed By An Elf

I was a geek this weekend. I played Dungeons and Dragons for the first time in about twelve or thirteen years. I never much played it before, mostly because I didn't know anyone. I did have the old PC game from about 1990. It was rather limited.

This time out I had a dwarf (Willikers) and a magician-elf (Sevrin). My dwarf takes a hit on charisma right away, which didn't help me when I bought a lute and tried playing it in town for gold pieces. People paid me to stop. My roommate had a half-orc, which I dubbed Jerome later, and a halfling thief named something, but not Gorthon. Our DM sent us to a town where, after a while, we got into this fight with some undead demon girl. She was pissed because we had her doll. She swooped down and slashed the orc hard. Since my dwarf had the doll and she wouldn't talk to us (we found her before and she wouldn't then either, even when we returned the doll the first time), he ripped the head off. The demon girl got pissed and attacked my dwarf. Willikers then threw it in the fire. We managed to kill the girl and some elf guy claiming to be her father came down through the ceiling, took her away, and left a bag of crystal meth or something. I still kind of have a gut ache from the potato chips and screwdrivers.

Anyway, it's good to be a geek.

Ah, the 1992 Election

I've been watching old campaign commericals here. I especially enjoyed the 1992 ones. They were pretty damn entertaining with Ross Perot gibbering away, Clinton campaigning as a Republican, and George HW Bush speaking like those talking dolls. Looking at the George duhbya, I kind of miss his father. A few more of his nazi, wild-eyed commericals, we may just be rid of him.

Old Home Videos

I'm dubbing the old family videos to DVD. It's 1989. My sisters have 80's hair. All our old pets are alive again. My father doesn't have any grey hair. I have braces. Oh, the memories.

Singin' with the band.

I was at the High Noon Saloon with their Gomeroke Night. It kicked ass. Plus they have Bell's Two Hearted Ale on tap. One girl did two songs and she had a great voice. Another did "When I'm Sixty-Four" and one did a great rendition of "Highway to Hell". A C.C. Rider did "Black Dog". What is it with people thinking they can do Robert Plant? All and all, it was a good night and I still have a good buzz.

Now I'm dubbing my favorite comedy special: This Will Take About an Hour by Jake Johannsen. I recorded it off of HBO in 1991 and have held on to it since. I picked up a DVD/VCR recorder yesterday so now I'll have it for, uh, longer than 13 years. Happy shit!

Gnumb Gnuts

Geesshh... the New York Post pulled a Chicago Tribune Dewey.