9/11 Conspiracies Are More Based In Reality

This is exactly why Juno bored me.

Snippet:

TIME PASSES and MORE INDIE ROCK MUSIC PLAYS. ELLEN
goes through the various scenes that movies about pregnant
people are obligated to include.

She visits JASON BATEMAN.

JASON BATEMAN

Hey Ellen. Want to watch some indie horror films and listen to some indie music together?

ELLEN PAGE

That sounds great! I sure hope that watching the movie isn't interrupted by me having to go puke my guts out, sweaty and hunched over the toilet.

(pause)

Just kidding, none of that crap happens in the movie. Pregnancy is easy-peasy.

JASON BATEMAN

Well, I have good news. I'm leaving Jennifer Garner.

ELLEN PAGE

Why, because your marriage to her has robbed you of your youth, which you have been reminded of since you started hanging around with me?

JASON BATEMAN

No, I just rented 13 Going On 30. I can't even look at her now. Has she been in anything good?

ELLEN PAGE

Oh. Because if it was the other thing, then you could take notice of the fact that I remind you of your younger days despite the fact that my current predicament requires a level of maturity far beyond my years, and you could enjoy the contrast between our situations that is ironically illustrated by having us both get along so well.

JASON BATEMAN

How artistic!

ELLEN PAGE

You're goddamn right it is! Bring on the Oscars!

As Bad As My Love Life May Seem...

... it's not this bad:

A man who was ordered out of ShopKo stores last year for urinating on clothing has now been ordered to stay away from Target stores for the same reason.

Jeremy S. Pope, 26, of Arena, was arrested last December for criminal damage to property and lewd and lascivious conduct after he was caught urinating on bras and panties at the ShopKo at 7401 Mineral Point Road.

The Roman Legion Gets a Try

In anticipation of the first rugby game of the season, I had a dream that I was training for a game in the Roman legion. Everything is a bit fuzzy, but I was on a hill and also kind of in an auditorium, too. My coach was yelling at everyone to try harder. At what, I don't know because we were all dressed in full Roman legion regalia.



An order came through to march on the enemy, whoever that was. I lined up and waited for a while. Then some soldier came stumbling back and said that we were getting slaughtered. We moved out and went through an alley of some sort that had niches with enemy soldier's in them. Only their heads were visible. We used our spears to kill them, then I though "hmmm... didn't Romans have short swords for close combat?" Poof, I had a short sword, making the carnage easier to propagate.



Then I was in a big, Roman looking atrium. We were in a line and so was the enemy. Actually, they were clerics or mystics. I stabbed some fat oracle lady.



And then I was in some split-level ranch house looking for my bedroom. Can't remember much more.