Seemingly Trivial Things That Piss Me Off

So don't be this person.



Leave Me The Fuck Alone

As I have an affable personality, I like people. As an introvert, I just don't like people. If you walk into a classroom, restaurant, lecture, etc. and I'm in the most inaccessible place with my back to the wall, please note my expressionless face and don't talk to me. I don't care about reminiscing about Brett Favre's career or that you hope the class will be good. You may think my silence means acceptance at first, but behind my placid eyes I'm imagining ripping your head off and shoving it up your ass. And when you finally figure out that I don't want to talk to you (which took five minutes as I'm a Midwesterner), don't sulk away like a scolded puppy. Unlike Iraq, you are the aggressor. I like dogs and forgive their eagerness; you should know better. I hide in corners for a reason.



Watch the Volume of Your Voice

Ok Pavarotti, you make like the sound of your own voice, but your audience at the Met is made up of one. Admittedly, I have been responsible for this transgression from time to time as has everyone (except my friend Adam), but don't be the exception to the rule. You probably don't mean to act as though I'm an encroaching predator, but you make me feel like pissing myself, dropping some twitching appendage, and running for the hills. Shhhhhh, for both of our sakes.



Your Miscreant Children Are Not Entertainment

I know that little Madison and little Ethan give you great joy and, unfortunately, much conversation fodder, but they look like poo-flinging monkeys to me. Actually, I like watching poo-flinging monkeys as long as I'm not hit, but your children are much uglier than the more advanced primates. The post office is not a playground, so take their fat asses to a playground. And don't say please when asking little Jacob to stop kicking the shin of the kindly-looking old man patiently waiting in line. Give the brat the stare of death (I've luckily inherited it from my mother). Grab his arm and drag him off. Plus, that old man isn't as kindly as he looks. He's probably a Midwesterner.



Chew With Your Mouth Closed

Just because I live in a state (and a noted region of said state) that is known for cows, I don't want to watch you chew like one. Perhaps the government should bring back those 50's film strips on manners. Pay attention this time. That burger that you're chewing like cud doesn't look so swift when it's being disassembled with compacted enamel and spittle. This is also true for you obsessive gum chewers. You look about thirty IQ points dumber than you are when chewing gum with ol' Yapper wide open. If you must appear laden with bong resin, breathe through your fucking nose. Nothing worse than listening to the squish AND cavernous wind of your affliction.



I know I sound like a grumpy old coot, but I'm not. I'm a grumpy, dejected thirtysomething, thank you.

Strange Indeed

Here's an article about some Russian skiers who inexplicably died. Creepy shit.

What The!?!

Someone else has my name, goddamnit! I thought I was the only one. Well, I'm probably the only Norwegian one.

Worst Singer Ever

Just what the title says. You can read about her here.

Another Mall

So I don't remember much of my dream. I was in East Towne Mall, but it was two stories in some parts and particularly cavernous. Oh, and there was that funky/artsy waterfall that appears in all of my mall dreams. Can't remember what I was doing.

I was also in a record store that was enormous. It looked like all of my dream record stores.

That's all I remember, but it is the first dream I've remembered in a while.

Serenity

Every so often, I dig through my own blog's archives searching for what I was think at such and such a time. Sometimes I find patterns or remember a funny, but forgotten story. So in the interest of sanity (now and in the future), I'm writing down moments when all is calm.

- Sitting in the Kohl Center watching a game.

- Watching an NAG production.

- Getting lost in a book or article.

- Walking around an unfamiliar or semi-familiar city.

- Sitting on a boat on a lake up north.

- Walking around all bundled up when it's below freezing.

- Half sleeping while watching some movie I've seen twenty times.




I know there's more, but I forget at the moment. Anyway....

Extrovertigo

So the last month or so has seen a splashing return of my excessive OCD accompanied by the requisite anxiety. My mind was filled with feedback loops of counting how many years ago Fight Club came out, watching Star Trek: Enterprise religiously, rereading the historical population of Cleveland, and doing my usual obsessive behavior. Well, usual when my mind goes nuts. I did manage to fill my mind with even more useless facts that I can blurt out in social situations. Gee, I love that "what the fuck does that have to do with anything" stare.

I'm making it out of that hole by wearing my new sweatshirt with a zipper thing that is ok for work (woo-hoo security blankets!), obsessively analyzing all of the Enterprise characters, running on treadmills, staring into space, playing rugby (season's over), and of course avoiding blogging.

By dear reader(s), I am back to say, um, barsoil or something. Anyway, the only thing I could thing to write about today was watching Encounter at Farpoint last night and reading unintentional sexual innuendo into it. Very, very easy. So here's a cop-out post!

Random Ten!

1. Push Me Down - Kitty Craft
2. What a Little Moonlight Can Do - Billie Holiday
3. White Unicorn - Wolfmother
4. I Cried Like a Silly Boy - DeVotchKa
5. I'm Walkin' - Fats Domino
6. Heroes From Our Past - Dropkick Murphys
7. Ellis Unit One - Steve Earl
8. Ymaelodi A'r Ymylon - Super Furry Animals
9. Real World - Buzzcocks
10. Kissin' Cousins - The Saints