So here I am, enjoying my amorphous lunch break, reading stuff on the internet. I get into a vein of why I'm going to maintain the average paternal generational spread off 44 and change years. It's these moments of clarity, well, not so much clarity and rationalization, when I remember the following:
1. I hate dating. Yeah, relationships are good and fine, but I stink at first dates. I always say stupid things (all the time, not just first dates) and when people get to know me, they don't think it's so strange. Unless they do and I'm entertainment value. But I'm the type that just kind of says what's pouring through my mind at any given time. That doesn't work so well when someone is talking about her ex-girlfriend or how Fluffy ate some Geritol. Not that I say anything offensive, it's that I don't say the right thing. Plus, the subtle rules of the dating game elude me. Someone will serve up a move of some sort and the ball will bounce past the line while I'm talking to the line judge. 15-Love, edge: not me.
2. Divorce, dysfunctional relationships, etc. I've seen so many of these damn things. All of my oldest sister's high school friends have been divorced, some more than once. My other sister's friends have had some dandy marriages and relationships, too. Then there's Kyle. He doesn't live with his girlfriend, but they go to a relationship counselor. Recently, the counselor who, mind you, is getting a paycheck of the deal said she had no idea why they date since they just fight. I have no clue where they are in their break-up, fight again (never a make-up) routine.
3. I often do Pat things that don't include anyone, because I'm an introvert. I hate clingy people and face it, most people are.
4. Madison is a shitty town to be over 25 and single. Maybe I can fit in with the divorced crowd once I'm 35. Uh, no. Refer to 2.
5. There are other rationalizations, but they're not coming to me right now. #1 is enough of a reminder.
One more note. My roommate was out drinking and had one stay over the other night. Not much happened, or so he said, but she liked him and vice versa. When he got up in the morning, he rushed to the toilet and puked. Loudly. She left abruptly and he didn't get her number. Now if I got hangovers, which I don't, I'd be one to do the same thing.
Anyway, time to work.
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Time to get nostalgic about a movie I saw eighteen years ago and was about a time seventeen years earlier. My college roommates can verify...
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After the post below and after finding Dave's post, I created my South Park persona after a bike ride. I think it's fitting.
the good news (i think) is that most of us hate first dates. what's to like? and i'll bring you even more into the mainstream- there ain't no place where being over 25 and single is particularly favorable. in fact, i suspect that madison is better than alot of places (even appleton, as much as i hate to admit it). discovering over dinner that you don't like someone very much (or worse, that you do but can't for the life of you think of something clever to say) is only rendered more icky by the sad realization that you might have to wait for everyone's first marriages to fall apart before you get the booming love life you know you deserve.
ReplyDeletebut if you're going to adopt the (familiar) style of extracting amusing conclusions from rather mundane events, you'd probably do better to put a more positive spin on it:
1) you're not 35 yet
2) you do fun things with your weekends like going mountain-biking and hanging out in what i'm told is a cool milwaukee bar
3) at least you weren't the one doing the barfing, scaring off your lady friend
there, now doesn't that feel better?